Hello lovely people! Look at me! Posting a blog when I said I would!
Well, as per usual these days there isn’t much to report. I really like my new job. I get up, go to work, come home, cook dinner, go to bed. Repeat.
While I do appreciate a good routine, this recurring feeling I’ve had since I was very young has crept up on me again: restlessness.
It’s almost as if whenever I’m doing well or I’m settled I have this urge to rebel. Not so much to destroy my life but just to feel a little bit wild.
I keep having this strange urge to get on a train or a bus and just see where it takes me. I have always wanted to travel but this is different.
It’s the need to explore and be aimless for a while.
I will hopefully be in this job for a least a couple of years, and there is no reason why I can’t explore and be aimless as long as I turn up to work everyday, but this is the first time this passion has returned so forcefully in at least the last five years.
The weirdly good news about this is that I think it’s a sign that my mental health is improving: not the knowledge that something’s wrong, but the desire to change it.
The wacky thing about my depression experience is that I was always self-aware. I knew when I was eating badly and my sleeping habits were getting worse and when I hadn’t showered enough, I just didn’t have the energy to improve upon it. It’s rather hard to explain to those who’ve never experienced depression and yet I don’t have the heart to wish it upon anyone.
Until I had depression, restlessness was less of a feeling and more of a personality trait for me. So while it’s an annoyance, I’m going to see where it takes me.
Stay tuned because next week my restlessness will probably take me to an all-night gay bar after my graduation.
Happy Hump Day!