Hello fellow singletons! If, like me, you’re single on Valentine’s Day, and if, like me, you’re sick of this whole V-day business then you’re in luck! Here is my Anti-Valentine’s Day guide.
Before we start, I don’t like to play my tragedy is bigger than your tragedy but it’s actually my birthday on today, so at least you have the option of avoiding the day. I on the other hand have to watch everyone else get presents on my birthday… and my postman thinks that I really get around.
Now since every restaurant is filled with dumb couples on their dumb dates with their dumb love, we will be remaining in the safety of our own homes for the evening.
Firstly, in the spirit of Anti-Valentine’s we’re going to pop on My Bloody Valentine. Enjoy the complete lack of mushy romance; plenty of gore and a bad ending will do us just fine today!
Secondly, we need tequila, one of the least romantic drinks in the whole world! I mean it has a worm in it. Only two shots if you’re working tomorrow though!
And once we’re done with the angry portion of the evening, it’s time to celebrate singledom with Girls Trip!
Yaaaaaaaasssssss, it’s funny and filthy and will leave you smiling. Plus it’s got Queen Latifah in it, so you know it’s awesome.
Now we’re going to order Chinese food; it’s time to eat our feelings people.
Now while we wait for that to arrive, we’re going to pop on our onesies. Like this cute one from Asos (no heart patterns allowed).
Then we’re going to eat our Chinese food, watch our funny film and pull ourselves together. Being single isn’t the end of the world and at we’re in good company.
If after all this you still don’t feel better, go throw rocks at couples, you have my permission; have at it.